around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
