question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
