True but thats because hes a fetus.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
