I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
