Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
