sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
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Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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