I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
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The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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