Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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