Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
