too bad you live with your parents still
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
