What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
