There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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