So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
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If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
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When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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