Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
