I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
