I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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