He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
