i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
