I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
