You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize