I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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