you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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