So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
