Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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