he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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