I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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