No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
