I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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