How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
