then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
