is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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