i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
