Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
