He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
