At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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