your thong is hanging out like whoa
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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