fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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