I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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