That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
