My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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