I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
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We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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