Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
