My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
