Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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