used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
