I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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