Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
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You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
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I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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