i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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