If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
