the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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