yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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