Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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