I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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