At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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