she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
