Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
