Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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