I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
