She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
