i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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