Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i dont even know how to be here
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
