pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
