I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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