Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
